it’s so crazy how the mind works. i know i’m using only 10% of it but i feel like it’s in constant overdrive that i have to be using at least 50% - and mostly on worrying about silly things. Perspective is something hidden in plain sight. It’s there for me to stumble upon - yet i never gain it until i’ve literally walked all around it, made a fool of myself, and exhausted my mental facilities thinking negatively.
It’s easy to say STOP. stop over thinking. stop thinking negatively. stop worrying. but to do it, so difficult. i constantly have to talk myself out of these mental ruts where i’m whirling myself into a dizzying knot of anxiety. i’ve internalized this for most of my life.. but lately it’s spilled out into my behavior. It’s hard to give examples because they’ll present as simple awkward situations that to me seem like life-ending moments of embarrassment and stress. I don’t even want to think about it, it’s giving me chest pains. but so i find myself sharing these thoughts with my friends, bless their souls, who are persistently talking me off a ledge and towards sanity. But I worry, how long can they tolerate me?!
There I go again.
i was hoping to not become one of those people who have anxiety listed under their medical history. i fear that it may be late. i have to actively seek perspective and find sources of peace within myself. Maybe I need a change of scenery or begin anew somehow.