I can’t be like someone else. My friends are so awesome and I’m constantly wishing I had certain attributes of theirs. I wish I could move on from failures quickly or be accepting of when things don’t go my way. But I realize what’s hurting me more is focusing on how I can’t be this way. Instead, I have to embrace who I am and work from there.

I have been going through something mentally lately. My head has been wrapped in a huge enigmatic fog. While I thought I was so unlucky and forgotten by God, I failed to see the larger blessing he was giving me. Throughout my neurosis, my friends persisted and never abandoned me. Continually sought ways and new ways to get me clear and to get me happy. How amazing and lucky am I to have such care and concern coming my way. I certainly don’t deserve it, but I am eternally thankful.

The only way I can really repay them, other than being there in their moments of need, is to better myself and get out of this fog. They can only take me so far our of the tunnel. I have to reach clarity on my own and just focus on what God is teaching me through my friends.

I have no doubt that I’ll be ok. It’s scary to me that I’ve come to this place but I have to have faith that I’m only visiting. Hopefully, I’ll emerge a better person and be able to offer guidance to someone else experiencing the same.


There’s a reason people learn not to trust others and are reluctant to let their guards down. I believe most people are optimistic in meeting others and want to seek the good so they can make connections. I love meeting people and forming bonds. I live for that. You get to know different stories and ways of living. You feel like you’ve expanded your perspective and you learn so much more from people than from reading or hearing about things.

But then people can be really naive and let themselves become exposed. Sometimes you give yourself too quickly and you find out you’ve been given a raw deal. You have no protection up so you take the hit completely. The shock may seem to brutal but the residual regret and feeling of worthlessness- that’s what kills you slowly.

Then you learn to protect and defend yourself. Survival mode. You’re not going to give what’s important so easily ever again. And everyone seems to be malicious. Nothing anyone says can really be trusted. And that wall you put up is stronger than it ever was.

Until you get fooled and let it down again. Each time you take a blow, the less trust you have and the stronger and thicker that wall is.

And then connecting becomes impossible.

I refuse to let myself harden. It’s the easy way out. I want to just block everyone out everytime I find myself disappointed. But no. I’ll let myself heal and give myself again. I’ll keep hope..as much as it scares me. Each time I feel the pain, it’s weakness I lose. I’ll learn from each blow and hopefully become a better person for it


Ideal v-day present 😍😝❤️#seriously #repost

Ideal v-day present 😍😝❤️#seriously #repost



it’s so crazy how the mind works. i know i’m using only 10% of it but i feel like it’s in constant overdrive that i have to be using at least 50% - and mostly on worrying about silly things. Perspective is something hidden in plain sight. It’s there for me to stumble upon - yet i never gain it until i’ve literally walked all around it, made a fool of myself, and exhausted my mental facilities thinking negatively. 

It’s easy to say STOP. stop over thinking. stop thinking negatively. stop worrying. but to do it, so difficult. i constantly have to talk myself out of these mental ruts where i’m whirling myself into a dizzying knot of anxiety. i’ve internalized this for most of my life.. but lately it’s spilled out into my behavior. It’s hard to give examples because they’ll present as simple awkward situations that to me seem like life-ending moments of embarrassment and stress. I don’t even want to think about it, it’s giving me chest pains. but so i find myself sharing these thoughts with my friends, bless their souls, who are persistently talking me off a ledge and towards sanity. But I worry, how long can they tolerate me?!

There I go again. 

i was hoping to not become one of those people who have anxiety listed under their medical history. i fear that it may be late. i have to actively seek perspective and find sources of peace within myself. Maybe I need a change of scenery or begin anew somehow. 


Gracias, @_itzsarah 😘

Gracias, @_itzsarah 😘


I’m so tired of my brain overthinking
I’m so tired of needing someone
I’m so tired of people trying to marry me off
I’m so tired of being overworked and walked all over
I’m so tired of wanting to please everyone
I’m so tired of caring about what other people think
I’m so tired of not being someone I can respect
I’m so tired of that rejected, disappointed feeling in my stomach
I’m so tired of needing to purge these feelings onto here just so I can sleep.


Creep
Radiohead
Pablo Honey

sarcasticsymphony:

My followers have finally exceeded my post count! Thank you so much guys. Rock on!

"I want you to notice when I’m not around…
You’re so fucking special,
I wish I was special…

But I’m a creep!


savleighm:

The fact that Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian Mckellen are best friends in real life makes me so happy

x

(via perrydoan)


Versions of Dean

perrydoan:

I found out many versions of Dean in SPN.

Check it out!

Criminal!Dean

image

Shapeshifter!Deanimage

1944!Deanimage

ClintEastwood!Deanimage

Demon!Deanimage

Gamer!Deanimage

2014!Deanimage

Comedy!Dean

Ghost-sick!Dean

Father!Dean

Vampire!Deanimage

Agent!Deanimage

Doctor!Deanimage

CSI!Deanimage

Batman!Deanimage

Dean Smithimage

Ghost!Dean

image

Jensen!Deanimage

Pudding!Dean

image

Leviathan!Dean

image


(via yurionpax)



Your Hand In Mine
Explosions In The Sky
The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place

aww this song. throwback

(via yurionpax)


tylerknott:

Typewriter Series #848 by Tyler Knott Gregson
*Pre-Order my book, Chasers of the Light, and donate $1 to @TWLOHA and get a free book plate signed by me :)  Click the link in my bio, or go here:  tylerknott.com/chasers*

tylerknott:

Typewriter Series #848 by Tyler Knott Gregson

*Pre-Order my book, Chasers of the Light, and donate $1 to @TWLOHA and get a free book plate signed by me :)  Click the link in my bio, or go here:  tylerknott.com/chasers*